I Want That

I think my common sense just flew out the window

Why this is the teaser image tonight? This thing is cool, easy to clean, and works well, Tonight I’m gonna joke about gadgets while defending my own. Enjoy.

The Gauntlet (an occasional tangent)

I enjoy writing about something happening that we think will be a good thing. What we cannot anticipate are the 2nd and 3rd order effects that occur based upon that “good thing”. Writing this Newsletter is like that. I started out wanting to get repetitions and maybe get to a point where I might write a book. That was about the extent of my vision. Well, the 2nd order effect is having a new group of people to interact with their comments, opinions, and just outright sharing. A friend of mine, Dona S, who is a loyal reader shared an interview with Jennifer Doudna that appeared in the NYT Magazine this weekend. Jennifer won the Nobel Prize for her work on CRISPR which I wrote about a while back. Here you go for those that can navigate the paywall. Writing about CRISPR was fun! Tonight’s post is a blast so don’t go away just yet as the CRISPR bit is four parts but starts here:

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There is a scene in one of my favorite period movies when the kids were growing up, Napoleon Dynamite. I fear I’ve lost many of you already. This is a silly bit and how we can end up accumulating crazy stuff. The gist of the scene is the door-to-door salesman is selling a Tupperware-like product. This is the bonus if you buy the whole set. The clip is VERY SHORT. The woman cracks me up no matter how many times I see it.

Having recently sold our home of many years, duplicate items, unnecessary gadgets, and extra boxes of 1/4”-20 wood screws have all come under the scrutiny of the test do we need that? On the continuum, I do not think we accumulated too many silly kitchen gadgets but we have our fair share. Today I decided to peruse the internet for mostly useless items. Most of these are items I noted as unusual but do not own. I must admit, however, if I did own this nonsense I would be ASHAMED to admit it. I’ll come clean at the end of the post.

a microwave s’more maker — the kitchen is cleaned up and you are relaxing. Someone says let’s make s’mores in the microwave. I’m guessing a lot of mouths have been burned and a lot of crystallized marshmallows have gotten stuck to the walls. When it is all done, someone has to clean this thing. Even if this works, it looks ridiculous!

I remember those contraptions in Florida for juicing an orange. They used to plug up with pulp. Inconceivable an atomizer could work. I hope that one day I see someone using one of these on the subway as a breath freshener.

Everyone gets an opinion but the author gets a megaphone. This connects to your phone with an app so that you can be more aware of how many eggs you have left. This is real. Please, for the love of God, if you have one, keep it to yourself.

A while back a fellow writer posted about being served 5” pizzas in a restaurant. What is the right size for a slice? I am sure you do not need a template much less a piece of plastic that sticks up when you put it in the drawer. My only consolation would be if someone also had an identical pair of scissors that said PIE and a 3rd that said QUICHE. Now we’re talking.

I desperately want this not to be real. Give them a real cone or use a bowl.

Ah, the way my mind works. I just thought that I cannot help but imagine that some poor soul at the US Patent Office had to review the drawings and theory of operation for this. It was MUCH WORSE than I feared as this search result reveals.

When you decide to recover this item from your long-term storage locker and get it in place, at least use a bigger glass. This is about $10000 and looks more like a baseball pitching machine. Okay, sure you can make yourself some juice but please promise to clean up the juicer afterward. Some of the parts are dishwasher safe but the metal feed tubes are best washed in the shower.

Real estate experts claim kitchen remodels provide good payback upon resale. This is a genuine home-based hearth pizza oven. The manufacturer also advises this is not as unreasonable as it may seem as it is also perfect for making bread. This modification is about $8500. Since it needs wood as fuel, a commercial log splitter is probably a good idea also. I love pizza from a local shop called Punch. It is the closest to what I see here. They make your Neapolitan pizza to order in a 900F oven in two minutes. It is about $9 when you want to scratch the itch. Seems insane to be doing this in your house. I have a taste for pizza tonight. If one of you will split the logs, I’ll pick up some pepperoni.

Peak Ice

While my opinion, the following video is the silliest item yet. Several years ago, a friend of mine Jim S invited me to join a social club he was involved in. What a great bunch of guys I came to know. That social club is my Scotch Club. Before joining the gang, I had never had Scotch in my life! I explained that to Jim and he assured me I wasn’t being invited for my Scotch knowledge but rather my storytelling. I knew Jim S for most of my life in Minnesota, probably about 25 years. Two of the others I knew, Mike H & Matt D through playing tennis. All of the rest have been equally fun to get to know. Getting together is mostly social and ALWAYS fun. One of the edge behaviors for Scotch and liquor drinkers is the perfect ice. Let me know what you think. Serious people are buying equipment to make shaped ice? This is a thing. The best part of all of it is they are making one at a time. Hey if anyone wants one, I just made another ice sphere. Make sure you nurse your drink cause these are taking about 10 minutes to make.

Now, it is time for some confessions and coming clean. I do have a few contraptions I have grown fond of. While I do not use it THAT OFTEN, one of my FAVORITE contraptions is an ice cream and sorbet maker. Teamed with my juicer (a bit smaller than the pitching machine), I love making pink grapefruit or mango sorbet once in a while. As for a contraption I would not want to live without it is my Dash egg maker (today’s feature photo). It doesn’t make a mess, makes eggs with steam, has no pan to clean, and can scramble, hard boil, soft boil, and poach. I’m a high-maintenance guy if you cannot tell from this Newsletter. I like my eggs poached soft. In a restaurant, seems not many folks ordering poached. It is perhaps six inches in diameter and easy to clean. What do all of these three “can’t live without” items have in common? Each of them was a gift. I guess people that know me best realize I like a clever device and would probably never buy it for myself. That’s pretty cool.

Being resistant to change can also cost you. Everyone I know that has an Insta-Pot or an Air Fryer seems to love it. I own neither. I am sure in the course of this silly segue tonight, most of you have some gadget ABC, that is indispensable.

Here is tonight’s call to participation

1. What is the worst gadget you ever bought?

2. What is the best gadget you ever bought and would willingly defend? For me, because of the joy it brings is an air popper that always throws randomly popped kernels to the floor. My dog barks when the 747-sounding fan fires up and his tail wags when popcorn hits the floor. He acts as if his barking is making the popcorn come to the floor.

3. What is a cool gadget someone you know has that you haven’t yet bought for yourself? Moses referred to this as coveting I think, so treat yourself.

4. Please share, if you dare, photos of dumb gadgets you’ve acquired over the years. If you use them and wish to defend them, send along a note on why that is. I’ll be looking for a direct email at mrkjmsdln@gmail.com. Add the SUBJECT “SUBSTACK Silly Gadgets”. If I get enough responses I’ll figure out how to distribute my findings. Try to use the subject as I’ll make an email rule to look for it so you don’t end up in SPAM HELL. Extra points for figuring out how to post a photo in the comments.

The Poll & Music

Let me know with voter participation how you feel about gadgets. My Mom was anti-gadget, and my Dad was pro-gadget. My wife and I accumulated our fair share but never overwhelming.

Tonight’s song is about what I think is behind all of these gadgets. They are not designed to necessarily do as advertised. Their goal is probably close to this.

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What’s Next

My next post is titled “The Great Minnesota Get-Together”. It is something that binds us all together in our little section of flyover country. I am talking of our State Fair, our annual twelve-day binge that ends on Labor Day and marks the end of summer and the return to school.