We Do

it's a family affair

Thank You

I wanted to thank each and everyone who has taken the time to read my posts. Without posting on social media, I have reached 250 unique readers and 30 subscribers so far. I had hoped to just make it to the end of the year still writing! Thank you for your patience and consideration. Only 3 unsubscribes so far. Feedback and comments are the fuel to knowing how to improve. Thank you as I appreciate the feedback and hopefully am applying the lessons. Please pass along music recommendations as we can all get in a rut.

The Inspiration

One of my hobbies is genealogy. I have submitted my DNA for testing on both Ancestry.com and 23AndMe.com (and a bit more). My willingness to do this is consistent with my desire to learn. The inspiration today is who and how we marry.

The Setup

My paternal grandparents (“P” & “M”) trace their family roots to Ireland. My grandfather was born in the United States and my grandmother was an immigrant who came to America as a domestic servant. They each had siblings (“J” {my grandmother’s brother} & “E” {my grandfather’s sister}) that also married. I thought this unusual but realized later it was common. Like most things, you can follow the data, have a hypothesis, and see where it takes you.

I have worked with one of my Dad’s cousins, “J”, to trace through the DOLAN name. Our effort now spans nearly five years. We have traced our interconnectedness and now understand the connections to 600 plus surnames (last names). Building and understanding your family ancestry is like eating an elephant. One bite at a time.

The Details

Growing up I never understood much about family connections. My paternal grandfather was one of thirteen children. My paternal grandmother was one of eight children. They originated from different parts of Ireland. Both my grandparents and their siblings that married met in Buffalo, NY, and spent their married lives there. The children of these two marriages are referred to colloquially as “double cousins”. First cousins typically share a set of grandparents or one in the case of multiple marriages. In this case, the sets of cousins share two sets of grandparents.

My father and all of his siblings are now deceased. One of his cousins through this unusual genetic connection is alive and has been a joy to connect with on some level. Personal DNA testing, like any topic, in my opinion, is as interesting as the commitment you are willing to make. I have connected with heretofore unknown family through these services. “M” is one of the few survivors of the generation and has taken a personal DNA test. She and I share as much DNA (or more) than my first cousins who have also tested. In a previous post, I provided a secret decoder ring to relationships entitled What’s In a Cousin. If you have the time, it provides an easy-to-follow chart of how two given people are related.

From many previous posts, a frequent reader will know how interested I am in the science of DNA. As more of our family history was uncovered, I came to realize that my family has five double marriages and one triple marriage that I know of. I wondered whether this was an Irish thing or something deeper. That in turn led to my contemplation which begets the rest of this post.

I post a fair amount about breakthroughs in life and how people in power and even ordinary folks react to a new way of doing things. The natural course appears to be (1) belief in something (2) discovery of new, more accurate truth (3) doubt and organized resistance (4) incorporation of a new idea because it is true and helpful (5) after significant delay despite the incorporation of a new idea, there is a grudging acknowledgment of the discovery and admission it is NOT false. If (1) happens to be a personal belief, there will be attempts to nuance and adjust to make it still “work”.

My favorite example of this was the uproar when those in power realized that Earth was not the center of the universe. What is so bad about that? To me, it would be so exciting to discover a new and improved truth. The human nature aberration is how we manage to resist and do all we can to slow steps (3) through (5). We seem to take what benefits us in step (4) while simultaneously clutching close to (1) in a nostalgic grab. What made me realize this is a “real” thing is to examine how we have behaved previously. In a prior post titled I See, I explore a simple case of just what I described above. It used to take us hundreds of years to get through steps (3) to (5)! I can certainly understand if some people might have felt threatened by an Earth that revolves around the Sun. The part I cannot understand is that some of the VERY SAME people manage to blissfully accept the improvement in calendars and navigation while simultaneously toeing the old line. So strange to me.

After some investigation, I understand that marrying people genetically close to us is a common pattern and all humans stop the pattern as they enter the modern age. So why do I focus on steps (3) to (5)? This brings me to the second conundrum of human nature which I also struggle with. Imagining Europeans as a group, we did this inter-marriage thing for thousands of years. We recently gave it up. Presumably, we have moved forward with a different mindset. It is most interesting to me that the newly converted speak loudest in their rejection of other cultures or ideas that may be perhaps 100 years out of phase with us. In the grand scheme of things, they may be one hundred years ahead of the curve on a 200,000-year scale. Arranged marriages and marriage within families retain some strength in other cultures. Today my point is RELAX, as Aaron Rodgers might say (apologies to the non-football fans). Do not forget that our parents were the first generation of European-Americans who put such ideas aside. The lesson for me is tolerance of others who are still struggling with a tradition. I think there are many things popular a thousand, a hundred and even fifty years ago. I know I can think of a bunch of them. It seems to be a shortcoming of the human condition to adapt to new ideas. Staying in your lane is always good advice.

Music tonight is a great song about marriage and what we all hope for. As far as letting go of the burdens, there is nothing better than this tune.